I just don't see why anybody would vote Republican in the Army. If you want to support the troops, if I was a troop, I would say, 'You know how to support me? Don't send me to stupid wars.'

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

Don’t swallow your moral code in tablet form.

You are the only one who could delay your happiness, because a peaceful state of mind is impossible without unconditional self-love.

But giving drugs to a cat is no joke, Kemp!

God in the safe and Ford on the shelves.

I think that all bodies are beautiful in millions of different ways but I get down on myself too!

I definitely feel there's room for improvement.

That's why I love fighting, because I get to have a big battle every couple months to make up for the little battles I have to forfeit every day

Honestly, you have to take care of yourself. That's probably something I have learned on the road.

No one ever keeps a secret so well as a child.

every heart has its graveyard.