I just feed off the energy of the audience.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

Hope for joy, desire beauty.Love much, live for eternity.

Culture consists of connections, not of separations: to specialize is to isolate.

The scarcity of time is the reason we have to concentrate on one thing at a time.

To claim that one can be happy without being free is to prove that one has no idea what happiness means.

The capacity to be puzzled is the premise of all creation, be it in art or in science.

You should always have a pencil skirt. I think knees are the ugliest part of anybody's anatomy, so I'd look for ones that hit at the knee or right below.

If I'm okay with dying, my son is at least as enlightened as that. If I'm okay with my cancer, my son is at least as enlightened as I am.

Still we live meanly like ants, though the fable tells us we were long ago changed into men.

If you want a symbolic gesture, don't burn the flag, wash it.

The only thing worse than a bad review from the Ayatollah Khomeini would be a good review from the Ayatollah Khomeini.