I just staunchly bought one frame during a two-for-one frame sale and barely left the store alive.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

The validation of your dreams is not in the colour of your skin but in the quality of your heart.

You can get into any business by leveraging joint ventures.

We are a coalition government, and that limits our options in some ways. Privatization happens to be one such area.

I get very heated about anything that is socially unkind.

I'm good at killing, I'm known as a bullfighter who kills well, and that I can kill well, that I can compete technically with my male peers in my technique in killing, gives me satisfaction.

I don't think it makes any sense for an individual to invest in common stocks unless they know the company, work at the company, and so on.

True love never runs smooth, that's what they say, but true love is worth all the pain.

And there's that one particular harbor Sheltered from the wind Where the children play on the shore each day And all are safe within...

When you're touring, it's somehow hard to focus on other things. I know other people can do it, but I really can't.

You need to be a little crazy to change the world, and you can’t really fake it.