I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do.

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.

I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock.

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.

Tigers love pepper...they hate cinnamon.

Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There's just too much money.

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.

I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.

Becoming a writer does not mean words will suddenly flow with perfection from your pen. It takes hard work, rejection, and the willingness to lay everything inside you out for the world to see.

BubbaHarold - "One of the most unique takes on true crime ever.

I'm convinced England's overflowing with eccentric people, places, happenings. Indeed, you might say eccentricity's normal in England.

I'm known for my slightly inappropriate remarks.

There is nothing so weak, for working purposes, as this enormous importance attached to immediate victory. There is nothing that fails like success.

It is a bizarre world. It is an upside down, inside out, quantum physics world. It is the eve of destruction in America.

What doesn't kill us will only make us stronger.

Nobody is a real loser-until they start blaming somebody else.

Education opens the door to everything in terms of having a career and an impact on society and not being a slave to your job, really.

We will not anticipate the past; so mind, young people,-our retrospection will be all to the future.