I just want to be funny, I just want to do comedy.

Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.

My sense of humor is a turkey, and I pull it out of the oven and baste it in reality.

And when I was angry, when I was younger, I was in a cocoon. Now I'm a beautiful, black butterfly.

Bad news travels at the speed of light; good news travels like molasses.

I have snakes, three sharks, moray eels, piranhas, five scorpions and a bird spider. All of them are predators. They are dangerous but it's cool to have strong and powerful pets.

I see knowledge of self. I know who I am. When I look in the mirror, I see me.

Don't follow in my footsteps. Be original, and create your own path. Be a trailblazer! Do you! Be better than me. Do you! Be happy and have joy in your life.

I love my mother. My mother made sure, her stubbornness - she made sure we was going to eat. She made sure we had Christmases. That was my mother. My father wasn't there for that.

My father said: "If you want to catch your girl cheating, you knock on the front door and run to the back, because he's coming out the back."

I love this cornbread so much, I wanna take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant.

The thermometer of success is merely the jealousy of the malcontents.

Yes you have returnedAnd things are as they wereBut this you cannot hide, A part of you has died.

He wants to be grown-up. How different dreams can be! Nature will soon grant your wish.

True eloquence scorns eloquence.

I must confess that if I had been consulted whether to establish a Nobel Prize in economics, I should have decidedly advised against it.

I find it hard to understand why Scorsese has never called. You know, given the natural menace I bring to the screen.

I have a really strong suspicion of the romantic nature of portraiture, the idea that you're telling some essential truth about the interior lives of your subject.

Nobody ever worked as hard as my father. My father averaged maybe four hours of sleep at night, and when you're a kid, you don't realize that.

Anyone who reads a book with a sense of obligation does not understand the art of reading.

If a comic comes out on the scene and it's really knock-out brilliant, the community is pretty good about getting the word about good newcomers.