I keep my stand-up comedy notes in a pile on my desk. I don't organize my act. I keep myself in a state of confusion. It stresses me out, but I prefer creative chaos.

I don't get jealous of people. Jealousy is such a waste of time because you're jealous of them, and they go about their lives and have a wonderful time, so what's the point?

Those flowers were picked by illegal immigrants. And they're not voting for you, b*tch.

Everyone thinks I'm Jewish. I'm not. Last year I got a call: "Happy Hanukkah." I said "Ma, I'm not Jewish."

Madeleine Albright, when you see her, she's not a beautiful woman and she's getting older. But you're saying that woman has gravitas. She knows what she's talking about.

I want to do an intelligent talk show where you have room to breathe...

I don't need a diet pill. I need something that gives you an electric shock when you reach for food.

Statistically, skinny women die younger than fat women. Why? Because fat women are killing them.

Republican Party hasn't been black friendly over the many centuries in this country.

Comedians usually are rooting for the underdog. I mean to take a shot at an underdog I think is really stupid and low and not funny.

A better thing to grow up with is to be funny I think, and if I had, if I had my choice I would still pick that.

Fearless fate!

I have learned that real angels don't have gossamer white robes and Cherubic skin, they have calloused hands and smell of the days' sweat.

A beguiling lady doesn't take after the swarm. She is herself.

Please go on, make your threats. I don't like to submit to mere implication.

..and only sticks and stones can break my bones.

That'’s a way to increase the realism to the reader, if you want to get technical - you leave it [character] vague and you let the reader fill in the blanks with their imagination.

I think my body went through a lot, went through the wringer. In terms of being inside the ring, getting hit, but also outside the ring, living a crazy life.

Barack Obama makes me feel good to be a black man.

If there is neither excessive wealth nor immoderate poverty in a nation, then justice may be said to prevail.

When a Man has Married a WifeHe finds out whetherHer Knees & elbows are onlyglued together.