I kid around a lot, but pranks are not my best strength!

People forget the good that zoos do. If it weren't for zoos, we would have so many species that would be extinct today.

If the guy's a cutie, you've gotta tap that booty.

I'm a teenager trapped in an old body.

I may be a senior, but so what? I'm still hot.

Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment

Keep the other person's well being in mind when you feel an attack of soul-purging truth coming on.

If one has no sense of humor, one is in trouble.

Get at least 8 hours of beauty sleep. 9 if you're ugly.

We didn’t have Facebook in my day, we had a phone book but you wouldn’t waste an afternoon on it

I don't know how people get so anti-something. Just mind your own business, take care of your own affairs, and don't worry about other people so much.

I just got another kitten, you know. Found another trademark. It's quite embarrassing I misse

Be unselfish in your love. Remember you are not the cat.

Of all the things you can now do, which do you choose to do?

If I listened to my instincts, I'd be down at the pub chasing women, not under a 400 pound bar squatting

You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency.

A bachelor is only half a man

No law made by man can overturn that of the Creator without dramatically affecting society in its very foundation.

Don't beat yourself up over what you could have or should have done. The past is gone. Move on to the future.

I very much hope that when my wife reads my writings so she reads it as if she is a character and not the real one. Sometimes she takes it too personally.

There are a lot of really funny guys who are very natural in what they do: Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Seth Rogen.