I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.

I sing seriously to my mom on the phone. To put her to sleep, I have to sing 'Maria' from West Side Story. When I hear her snoring, I hang up.

I immediately said yes for one reason and one reason only....Netflix rhymes with Wet Chicks.

Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it.

Hanukkah is...the festival of lights, instead of one day of presents, we get eight crazy nights

Alright, remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.

It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.

On this lovely, lovely Hanukkah, drink your gin and tonica.

Feels good to try, but playing a father, I'm getting a little older. I see now that I'm taking it more serious and I do want that lifestyle.

Of course, I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink, put you to bed when youve had too much to drink. Oh, it could be so nice to grow old with you, I wanna grow old with you.

You should never say bad things about the dead, you should only say good . . . Joan Crawford is dead. Good.

Don't expect a great day; create one.

I would assume most people hate my character. But I'm hoping that I'm the character you love to hate.

How science dwindles, and how volumes swell, How commentators each dark passage shun, And hold their farthing candle to the sun!

If you keep pushing paint when you're tired of it, you lose sensitivity. I can only focus on painting for a few hours, so I'll stop and work on something quite different.

I view filmmaking as a director's medium.

We gonna touch the sky.

We do not at present educate people to think but, rather, to have opinions, and that is something altogether different.

The time is not yet ripe to say what happened. When history's ready, then we can talk about it

Nations, like individuals, interest us in their growth.