I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven't had time for tobacco since.

If you want to please the critics, don't play too loud, too soft, too fast, too slow.

Can't you read? The score demands 'con amore,' and what are you doing? You are playing it like married men!

To Strauss the composer I take off my hat; to Strauss the man I put it back on again.

After I die, I shall return to earth as a gatekeeper of a bordello and I won't let any of you enter.

God tells me how the music should sound, but you stand in the way.

I hate you all because you destroy my dreams!

When I was very young I kissed my first woman and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. Believe me never since have I wasted any more time on tobacco.

God tells me how he wants the music played - and you get in his way.

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

You are your greatest asset in the business of your life.

God must have a weird sense of values, and if there’s a Judgment Day, as some folks think, He’s going to have a lot to answer for.

Mechanization best serves mediocrity.

Rock and Roll is instant coffee.

I know clothing very well and I'm sure I will get into fashion eventually.

No matter how advanced our economy might be, no matter how sophisticated our equipment becomes, for the foreseeable future we will still depend on fossil fuels.

There's a big difference to me in making fun of something and having fun with something.

I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.

By definition, the big difference between mercy and justice is that mercy is never ever obligatory.