I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

I was far from being a child prodigy, and yet I learnt relativity at the age of 15!

After all is said and done, I believe the true measure of success is how many times you can bounce back from failure.

Life to the great majority is only a constant struggle for mere existence, with the certainty of losing it at last.

The poor child was the drudge of the household, and was always in the wrong. He was, however, the most bright and discreet of all the brothers; and if he spoke little, he heard and thought the more.

You cannot be receptive when you are too full of yourself. The less you are, the more you receive. The more you are, the less you receive.

Man is lonely mainly because he has been disconnected from the Divine presence.

I haven't only been offered Hasidic roles.

As we wind on down the road, our shadows taller than our souls.

The only thing keeping you from what you want is your story about why you can't have it.

Where there is a living memory of struggle, they have a living memory of the rebellion. Where there's no struggle afterward the rebellion is forgotten.