I know I probably should be sad about my mother's cancer... but she still hasn't seen The Last Kiss, you know?

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

Oh mortal man, is there anything you cannot be made to believe?. Of all the means I know to lead men, the most effectual is a concealed mystery.The hankering of the mind is irresistible.

When we love what is, it becomes so simple to live in the world. The world is exactly as it should be.

Your place is with me. It always will be. -Jem Carstairs

Books are to be distinguished by the grandeur of their topics even more than by the manner in which they are treated.

Goodwin has done the seemingly impossible-he has made economics comprehensible and funny.

I don't have a power nap when I have training. I take it so I am fresh again for the next session.

Boarding school is a wicked thing.

Admit to and make yourself accountable for mistakes. How can you improve if you're never wrong?

Being loved by all is little fun Unless you're also loved by one.

One good thing the teaching has given me is the ability to read and revise my own work.