I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

It's not strength, it's PERCEPTION that makes you stronger. If you change how you SEE it, you'll change how you FEEL about it.

Creativity isn't meant to introduce complexity it is expected to add simplicity.

It's hard to get by just upon a smile.

'Insane Farting Corpse' is a really hard movie to do a Q&A for. The audience is still kind of reeling and being like, "I don't know what to ask."

I love the summer.... the warm weather, hangin out with friends, and swimmin in the warm water..... but most importantly grabin a glove and a ball and playin some softball in the heat.

When I was a schoolkid, I went to Castleton quite a few times. We'd be there studying rocks, going down these big hills. It was a great place!

But neither of us knows, because a fight's worth nothing if you know from the start that you're going to win it.

If you have a song to sing, who are you not to open your mouth and sing to the world?

Proximity bred familiarity, and familiarity bred comfort.

Each job you have has it's own challenges. One of the great things about my job, is that each film is a different journey.