I know how to do anything, I'm a mom.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight.

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.

I call myself a 'domestic goddess.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.

Is there any Great Teacher like Jesus Christ, He taught his disciplines all that He knew..

Stiff in opinion always in the wrong.

I'm so humble it's crazy. I'm like the Kanye West of humility.

I am Charles Mingus, half black man, not even white enough to pass for nothing but black. I am Charles Mingus, a famed jazzman, but not famed enough to make a living in this society.

When I was old enough to go to movies alone, I got to see 'Frankenstein' and 'Dracula' on the big screen. I just fell in love with them.

If all men labored hard every hour of the twenty-four, they could not do all the work of the world.

I saw myself the lambent easy light Gild the brown horror, and dispel the night.

I may indeed very well happen to contradict myself; but truth, as Demades said, I do not contradict.

You cannot grow more hours in the day. However, you can make better use of those hours.

When a contradiction is impossible to resolve except by a lie, then we know that it is really a door.