I know it's very egocentric to believe that someone is put on Earth for a reason. In my case, I like to think I was.

The best things in life aren't things.

People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

The things that matter most are not things.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

Slowly, painfully, I let go. It was like prying my own fingers off the edge of the cliff. And that hurt too-particularly the falling part, and not being sure what was at the b

For entertainment, a party bears no one in as much as those who are not there. ­

I watched her face switch among the radio stations of memory

Once I left out what I then considered my best line because there was a suspected column rat in the house.

I don't really have funny things to say about politics. I wish I did, but I don't.

Bring forth the raisins and the nuts- Tonight All-Hallows' Spectre struts Along the moonlit way.

There is nothing healthier for a man than to walk on his own two legs.

A dog wakens your heart to joy and companionship.

How much I can learn from a tree! The tree is my church, the tree is my temple, the tree is my mantra, the tree is my poem and my prayer.

It was easy for me to be ridiculed and for both men and women to perceive that maybe I'm a bit crazy because I'm educated in the West and I have lost some of my basic decency as an African woman.