I know that Colbert could quote Thomas Aquinas and all this, but I'm somebody who, because it's a necessity for me on a personal basis. I need it because I'm a lunatic.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

My dream is to live a good life and be loving, be close to God and be a good human being and bring peace to people.

Singing was my first love and I never even considered it after I started acting, but now I'm bringing it back into my life.

I realize that my life is not the common ordinary person.

A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well - almost.

I agree with the sentiment that it's probably more dangerous to believe some things that aren't so than to not believe something - you know, to believe in a lie.

I couldn't have built the great companies I've built if I didn't have a strong temperament. And she's got a weak temperament. She [Hillary Clinton ] is a weak person.

Tibet's a tragedy. It's an insult to human decency.

The world is crammed with messages. We’ll never have time to read them all.

I'm bored. I need to be entertained. Sam is moping. I may kill him with his own guitar. It would give me something to do and also make him say something. Two birds with one stone!

Every one's true worship was that which he found in use in the place where he chanced to be.