I know the Bible isn't real because it never once mentions me.

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

There is humor in the darkest of moments - People who I have loved and passed away, and very high stake situations where you can't help but laugh. I think that's very human.

Before you can win the fight, You’ve got to be in the fight.

Journalism kills you, but it keeps you alive as long as you're doing it.

You know I’m the first rapper to adopt a tabby cat. You know I adopted straight from the ASPCA, you feel me? Just breaking the boundaries, man.

You can never separate yourself from who you are. You bring your whole self to everything that you do.

Machiavelli is right: one always must live with one's friends with the idea that they may turn into one's enemies. He should have said, with everyone.

...a book need never die and should not be killed; books were the immortal part of man.

It is no longer acceptable to ignore the suffering, and designers must take responsibility for the way that their fur is produced.

Just as no great painting has ever been created by a committee, no great vision has ever emerged from the herd.