I know vegetarians don't like to hear this, but God made an awful lot of land that's good for nothing but grazing.

I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.

On the whole, I prefer not to be lectured on patriotism by those who keep offshore maildrops in order to avoid paying their taxes.

What we have here, fellow citizens, is a crassly egocentric, raving twit.

It's like, duh. Just when you thought there wasn't a dime's worth of difference between the two parties, the Republicans go and prove you're wrong.

It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America.

Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel -- it's vulgar.

If you ever get to the place where injustice doesn't bother you, you're dead.

One thing that corporations do not do is give out money out of the goodness of their hearts.

I know: "Guns Don't Kill People." But I suspect that they have something to do with it. If you point your finger at someone and say, "Bang, bang, you're dead," not much actually happens.

How the American right managed to convince itself that the programs to alleviate poverty are responsible for the consequences of poverty will someday be studied as a notorious mass illusion.

You may control people physically by force, but you won’t change their hearts and minds—that requires trust and friendship.

I am attracted to intelligence, a witty sense of humor, an adventurous outlook on life and spiritual awareness about one's self and the world.

If you see ten troubles coming down the road, you can be sure that nine will run into the ditch before they reach you.

The Christian faith is ultimately not only a matter of doctrine or understanding or of intellect, it is a condition of the heart.

I can't even say what my greatest fear is because I, I can't even imagine. Being without my family... I can't even say it because it makes me cry.

You know, I can be the happiest man in the world with minimal record success.

the reason God made February short a few days was because he knew that by the time people came to the end of it they would die if they had to stand one more blasted day.

"Failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down.

I do want to come across something, I do want to feel something and see something.

I often have scripts sent to me with allegedly Scottish characters where I end up telling them, 'You're going to have to rethink this whole thing!