I know what it feels like to be a gun lover.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

It’s still all “ifs” “buts” and “maybes”.’ ‘Maybe, ’ I said. ‘But if what I’m saying is correct …

To jealousy nothing is more frightful than laughter.

Death gives meaning to our lives. It gives importance and value to time. Time would become meaningless if there were too much of it.

The dandy should aspire to be uninterruptedly sublime. He should live and sleep in front of a mirror.

There's tremendous spirit about make America great again. I mean that's the whole thing. We're going to make America great again.

By the time you swear you're his, Shivering and sighing. And he vows his passion is, Infinite, undying. Lady make note of this -- One of you is lying.

A woman gets angry when a man denies his faults, because she knew them all along. His lying mocks her affection; it is the deceit that angers her more than the faults.

The bus scares me. Way too many gross people on the bus. Sixty-five people on the bus and I was the last one on. I felt like calling Unsolved Mysteries. 'Yeah, I found everybody.

(Sarah Palin's) greatest hypocrisy is in her pretense that she is a woman.

I wouldn't hunt a person down for food. But if he were already dead.