I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for.

I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.

It's interesting to see that people had so much clutter even thousands of years ago. The only way to get rid of it all was to bury it, and then some archaeologist went and dug it all up.

I don't really like surprises. Not big ones anyway. Just having a pack of Revels holds enough of a surprise for me.

That was the thing about weddings: they forced family members to deal with one another, like it or not.

Our Dreams, not just a Dreams, It can be reality.

Men do not long continue to think what they have forgotten how to say.

I raised my right hand and placed my left on the Quran, which was being held by my wife and mom. Suddenly, I was blinded by a cascade of camera flashes...

Part of our society kills what it loves, despises what it's created. It really hates success.

Hope. Nothing is more intoxicating.

When you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble, and you will be right more than half the time.

Nothing is so perfectly amusing as a total change of ideas.

An ignorant people is the blind instrument of its own destruction.

Cowards die many times; a brave man dies but once.