I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

I am writing about people who are alive in the city of New York during mid-20th-century America. And these people are like a character in a play or they are figures in a short story or a novel.

A man must believe in himself and his judgement if he expects to make a living at this game. That is why I don't believe in tips."

But oh! as to embrace me she inclin'd, I wak'd, she fled, and day brought back my night.

But stories somehow lengthen when begun.

A congregational prayer is a means for establishing essential human unity though common worship.

Technological 'revolutions' don't really overthrow anything - they simply append a new and dynamic market to that which went before.

There is something to that old saying that hate injures the hater, not the hated.

People love solving puzzles, and you always love it when somebody smarter than you is solving puzzles.

Anything may be possible in America, but a Palin presidency is virtually implausible.

For a very long time, and among a large number of peoples, political power has belonged to the owners of the land.