I led such a sheltered life I didn't go out with girls until I was almost four.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

The content of a man is the life he possesses inside

Somewhere, far down, there was an itch in his heart, but he made it a point not to scratch it. He was afraid of what might come leaking out.

Celebrate the Ides of March but remember your own warnings less as Caesar learned, you can get killed in many ways

When life doesn't make sense, we can still have peace.

Guns are the crutches of the impotent.

I don't really go back over my old shows, but I'll see them occasionally, mostly I want to go back and change things about the character as I look at them.

I have learned that most of us must face some form of challenge in our lives. But without hardship, we wouldn’t learn and grow.

People generally let me be me. People are aware that I'm not someone particularly begging for attention. They hold back a bit with me.

... of the two kinds of order, the conscious and the unconscious order, only one is real. It's the order in the deep hidden places.

Our high respect for a well read person is praise enough for literature.