I left England when I was four because I found out I could never be King.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

I wonder if the ocean smells different on the other side of the world.

Being in 'Us Weekly' does not make you famous.

The climate crisis is not a political issue; it is a moral and spiritual challenge to all of humanity. It is also our greatest opportunity to lift global consciousness to a higher level.

One person gets to decide if something is a problem in a relationship.

Newt Gingrich's campaign is broke. All the money gone. So now he's charging $50 for a photo. And for $100 you can marry him.

I grew up in London, and that's where I spend most of my time. Unless I have a really good reason not to be, I'll always be in London.

Republicans like Trent Lott, saying [Donald] Trump would be more flexible [then Ted Cruz].

God will do nothing except you pray; and you have to be clear what you want

I have read somewhere that in a totalitarian system martyrdom does better than thought.

I only came for Cake" -Tobias Eaton, Divergent