I like all ladies of all different ages.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

Once more into the fray...Into the last good fight I'll ever know.Live and die on this day...Live and die on this day...

Marriage is the one subject on which all women agree and all men disagree.

Sports fans have been mistreated for a long time. They have overpaid for inferior food and they have had poor service.

A great many of those who 'debunk' traditional...values have in the background values of their own which they believe to be immune from the debunking process

At the dawn of the 19th century, the country was awakening to its enormous scope and variety.

You serve your people by leading them to excellence. That's leadership.

I had [at school] my own little posse of people that all felt weird together so it wasn't so lonely.

Fortune's unjust; she ruins oft the brave, and him who should be victor, makes the slave.

It's quite hard not to cringe at your own music; you're always a bit annoyed at some parts of it.

How do you make a compass? Uhhh hmmm so if I was a compass how would I make myself?