I like doing a bunch of different things, being all over the place.

When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.

I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.

The devil’s attacks are proof of his powerlessness before us

One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.

Men make angry music and it's called rock-and-roll; women include anger in their vocabulary and suddenly they're angry and militant.

Laughter at oneself is always proof that god has healed us in the touchy places!

I loved her like a rabbit loves a rattlesnake

Even if you're fat, one thing always fits: shoes.

It is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is difficult must be a reason the more for us to do it.

Lee Dixon will be up against two South American left-handers tonight.

When we accept the fact that we can't do everything, we are more willing to ask for and accept help when we do anything.

Well, pull up an ice block and lend an ear. Now you know how Santa uses these flying reindeer to pull his sleigh.