I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Life happened because I turned the pages.

Our hearts, our hopes, our prayers, our tears, our faith triumphant o’er our fears, are all with thee – are all with thee!

It should be the historian's business not to belittle but to illuminate the greatness of man's spirit.

Big media are all about the angle, the spin. Look to the overarching theme that runs through each and every news story. Be hip to the meta-narrative peddled.

Every hour you sit at work increases your mortality 11 percent. Think about that.

It's only a wonderful world if you can make it that way. There are no street signs pointing to Paradise Road.

I prefer to remember the happy things over 10 years, the things that went well. Let me see, what did go well?

Malice will always find bad motives for good actions. - Shall we therefore never do good?

What made me love thee? let that persuade thee, there's something extraordinary in thee