I like life. It's something to do.

I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking", and then I thought: What good would that do?

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

I always wanted to be the last guy on Earth, just to see if all those women were lying to me.

A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?'

I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I got to thinking, what the hell, you only live once!

I was an ugly baby. On my birth certificate there was a listing for Probable Cause.

Where there's a will there's a dead person.

Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge.

I am not an optimist, but a great believer of hope.

If you love everyone, how could you find an enemy?

I believe on you, rest of things doesn't matter. Take a deep breath, take your time. Time has gone, time will come.Time will be yours if you believe on yourself.

The thing that gave me the most pain in life, psychologically, and it gave me tremendous pain psychologically, is man's disrespect for nature.

It's a chance for people to understand where we came from.

The history of American politics is littered with bodies of people who took so pure a position that they had no clout at all.

This world nys but a thurghfare ful of wo, And we been pilgrymes, passynge to and fro.

What greater evil could you wish a miser, than long life?

Good God, man, what is that smell?" He eyed with disgust the doctor's filthy cloak. "Life," answered the doctor.

If there's a heaven upon the earth, a fellow knows it when He's been away from home a week, and then gets back again.