I like my jokes to be built on a foundation of ideas, or at least smart observations.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Perhaps conscience did not always produce cowards. Sometimes it made a man feel better about himself.

Love the peace not the war, love the humanity and take care.

The greatest feeling you can get in a gym, or the most satisfying feeling you can get in the gym is... The Pump.

The Scripture can only be read intelligently by inspired men and women. The value we get from our reading is in direct proportion to the measure in which we are filled with God's Spirit.

I work with Garry no matter what. What I wanted to keep going was the streak.

I don't know, I like the word sassy.

Talent - really, everyone agrees, it's multidimensional, and often overlooked in standard assessments. That's not hard for people to accept.

A society in which men recognize no check upon their freedom soon becomes a society where freedom is the possession of only a savage few.

Being a wrestler is like walking on the treadmill of life. You get off it and it just keeps going.

I honestly believe that with a strong mind, you can literally 'will' the ball into the hole.