I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

You determine the destiny of the nation, this is your time

Which is the right path for man to choose for himself? Whatever is harmonious for the one who does it, and harmonious for mankind.

Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.

We can also reassure our Palestinian partners that we understand the importance of territorial contiguity in the West Bank for a viable Palestinian state ...

The studio is a place where I can experiment before I'm prepared for an idea to become a body of work, or a new way of working, or a way of working that can sustain me over a period of time.

It was important for him to believe that he'd spent his life among people who kept missing the point.

To go like a cat upon a hot bakestone.

Free education for all children in public schools... Combination of education with industrial production

I don't know whether schooling would have helped me get farther along in music at this time. I doubt it would have.

When you focus on problems, you get more problems. When you focus on possibilities, you have more opportunities.