I like the purity of stand-up because it is all about whether people laugh at your jokes. Either they laugh or they don't.

By puberty I learned that nothing worth having could be easily attained and to succeed one must be single minded.

As long as we prioritize material truths over spiritual truths we will live in tyranny because we are living an illusion

You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from the idea that people are watching you.

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.

People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare.

I get fixated when I'm bleeding -- I can see why they went in for blood-letting in the medieval times because it makes you feel a bit better. When I cut myself, the drama of it calms me down.

A library doesn't need windows. A library is a window.

There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.

The bad-boy label is just an assumption.

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society.

I often leave... You see, I'm not angry nor hold grouches at what they do. It makes me angry that they would get mad if I did what they do.

The greatest way to witness is through the life you live. Let the radiance of your Christian life be such that it will make [others] ask questions about your [faith].

The true definition of madness is repeating the same action, over and over, hoping for a different result.

Photography is still a very new medium and everything must be tried and dare.

If we'd lost the war, we'd all have been prosecuted as war criminals.

When you really work hard for something that you genuinely and truly love, and you don't want it to fail, it's a good feeling to see it do good.

Every time I see a guy walk out of an over-the-top sports car, I think they need a cold shower.

The problem is that most people focus on their failures rather than their successes. But the truth is that most people have many more successes than failures.

Out of moderation a pure happiness springs.

If you would not step into the harlot's house, do not go by the harlot's door.