I like those older theaters - the acoustics are perfect, I mean, you just have that feel of there's been a thousand shows in there and now you get to be one.

I always like to find those little mom-and-pop sandwich places, or diners. Those are my favorite kind of places.

I chewed up a lot of Florida highway when I was starting out. Used to come to Tampa two or three times a year for about 10 years straight.

As a comic, I've heard gunshots while I'm trying to get to sleep. I've performed where people wanted to do you harm after the show because of something you said.

Sometimes WRONG is worth the FUNNY!

I mean, yeah, I want to lose some weight! I'm doing the best I can.

Stand-up will always come first. I've been doing it for 22 years, and nothing compares to that connection you have with the audience. It's euphoric.

I'm from Minnesota! I used to work Knuckleheads at the Mall of America as a stand-up. I spent New Year's there once. I'm not trying to namedrop.

Desperation makes men fearless

If you want it badly enough, it’s yours.

When it comes to Father's Day, I will remember my dad for both being there to nurture me and also for the times he gave me on my own to cultivate my own interests and to nurture my own spirit.

The thing with pretending you're in a good mood is that sometimes you can actually trick yourself into feeling better.

There are men whom one hates until a certain moment when one sees, through a chink in their armour, the writhing of something nailed down and in torment.

Fly and you will catch the swallow.

Your love is a fierce thing, Elena, a thing with claws and teeth when it comes to protecting those you claim.

After the first International Days of Protest in October, 1965, Senator Mansfield criticized the 'sense of utter irresponsibility' shown by the demonstrators.

Although I am a woman and young, I have more than enough courage to suffer this death and a thousand more.

The best security against revolution is in constant correction of abuses and the introduction of needed improvements. It is the neglect of timely repair that makes rebuilding necessary.