I like to approach every day like it's my first, so this morning when I woke up I covered my body with red gelatin.

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

Life consists of what man is thinking about all day.

I'm a happy person. If you want to be around me, you can either choose to be happy too, or follow the signs to the nearest exit!

Safety isn't always safe. You can find one on every gun.

You bring the influence of the Kingdom to the people by giving them things that would interest them

Even in solitude, silence stays, like a loyal supporter, with its unbroken presence.

[Camila] was quite incapable of establishing any harmony between the claims of her art, of her appetites, or her dreams, and of her crowded daily routine. Each of these was a world in itself.

Happiness is brief It will not stay. God batters at its sails.

...when truths disappear, they leave behind blank spaces, and that is also dangerous.

Wouldn't the world be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes?

Anything that exists on the human palette is, from my point of view, fair game for artists to portray. You don't have to go see it if you don't want to, so don't go.