I like to laugh. It's kind of escapism. I like to make people laugh. And I kind of like people just to have to not think about anything

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

The promise given was a necessity of the past: the word broken is a necessity of the present.

It's the one thing we never quite get over: that we contain our own future.

Love is a contradiction.

Sharing a triumph with someone you love is an incredible high.

Hitler was a beginner compared to the comic-book industry.

I believe in the separation of church and state, absolutely. But I don't believe in the separation of public life from our values, our basic values, and for many of us, our religious values.

the human heart clings - even to its pain.

I feel quite excited about the possibility of working on multiple albums. There's something really iconic about having a catalog featuring a lot of albums, and I'd love to have that legacy.

The courteous driver keeps a safe distance between cars and doesn't drive like one plane trying to refuel another.

Spring training is for getting to know your teammates and forming a chemistry. I dont like it.