I like to tell old jokes on stage after about an hour, or an hour and a half. I'll bring those old ones back because the fans love them.

I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight.

There's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.

Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?

I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake.

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.

With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don't have one for common sense?

When you go to Hawaii, it's all about "Aloha." It means hello, goodbye and I love you.

You live by the cake, you die by the cake.

I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.

Jiu Jitsu is the vehicle. Not the road.

Our tomorrows must be met at the time of their arrival... with the HOPE they are as BEAUTIFUL as today!

Bold courage is paralyzing fear after humble prayer.

I need you, lass, " he whispered. Darcy opened her eyes to find him over her. "How fast can you get out of those clothes?

If it was a great script and a great character, I would love to do a romantic comedy.

I love the idea that more people would read short fiction. I think it's such a humanizing form. It softens the boundaries between people.

Even though we now have the half-century-old new Constitution, there is a popular sentiment of support for the old one that lives on in reality in some quarters.

You should know what happens when you play with fire, Cahill. Eventually, you'll get burned.

I don't believe I ever saw an Oklahoman who wouldn't fight at the drop of a hat - and frequently drop the hat himself.

There are forms that can only be seen when you are near a painting, others only appear when you are far away.