I like to think of murder-suicide as extreme multitasking.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

Don't believe in anyone other than yourself - every other will start believing in you.

thought for the day.. we are only as strong and safe as the elements we allow into our inner circle rather than the belief of isolation, as a solution, which is foolish...LT

It's not the deprivations of winter that get you, or the damp of spring, but the no-man's land between.

Later, she didn’t remember how she escaped from his grasp, or how she ended up back in her barracks, but at that moment she realized that something had started that night that changed everything.

This is where the will to grapple with our hard and pressing environmental problems begins: in relationship to something other that you love beyond any utility, beyond any logic.

It is not true that men can be divided into absolutely honest persons and absolutely dishonest ones. Our honesty varies with the strain put on it.

As a producer or financier, you are going to go where you get the best bang for your buck.

You hit .350 you're a leader. You hit .250 and you're not.

The immoral profession of musical criticism must be abolished.

I bet some of you feel sorry for me. Well don't. Having an artificial leg has its advantages. I've broken my right knee many times and it doesn't hurt a bit.