I like to think of my house as nothing more than a glorified console for my television; the ultimate stereo cabinet.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

I am that last, thatfinal thing, the bodyin a white sheet listening,

Some people will only love you as much as they can use you, their loyalty ends where the benefits cease.

I would never say that GOD did not do anything I wished for he made it come true.

I write out of my intellectual experience.

Still the race of hero spirits pass the lamp from hand to hand.

The league, I think, is doing well. It's growing, it's maturing, and it's becoming a better league. (on Major League Soccer)

And I'm sure after Facebook it will be the little cameras that we have implanted into the palms of our hands and we'll be debating whether we should get them, and then we'll all get them.

I like to write about things that are dark or twisted. Where the poetry seems to be is when you start in the dark and reach for the light - that's what makes it not depressing to me.

Climb the mountains, search the valleys, the deserts, the seashores, the deep recesses of the earth, for only in this way and no other will you arrive at the true nature of things.

Don't put a ceiling on yourself.