I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Snake pulled out the digital camera and decided to play a joke on Otacon. He snapped a picture of the pinup, muttered, "Good, " and closed the door.

And yet, I have not wronged you, have I? Indeed if there is anyone I may have sinned against, it is me. That desiring you as I do, needing you as I do, I still let you go.

A house can be replaced but never a lost life.

It's the challenge of trying to evoke any kind of sympathy for a role that ordinarily we would say, "Oh, this is a bad guy" and dismiss him.

I'm not a big shorts person. Personally, I hate to see men's legs on the golf course.

Art is the expression of imagination, not the reproduction of reality.

There is no such thing as white lies; a lie is as black as a coalpit, and twice as foul.

I have resolved to pick one novel and just read it over and over again for the rest of my life, because I cannot remember anything anymore.

It is not the shilling I give you that counts, but the warmth that it carries with it from my hand.

You can't crush ideas by suppressing them. You can only crush them by ignoring them.