I like weeding, but I tend to think of it as a solitary activity.

A good heavy book holds you down. It's an anchor that keeps you from getting up and having another gin and tonic.

It's my belief that sanity lies in realizing that reality is not exactly what we had in mind.

Mozart combined high formality and playfulness that delights as no other composition in any other medium does.

People don't necessarily want or need to be done unto as you would have them do unto you. They want to be done unto as they want to be done unto.

Ham's substantial, ham is fat. Ham is firm and sound. Ham's what God was getting at When He made pigs so round.

Cats have intercepted my footsteps at the ankle for so long that my gait, both at home and on tour, has been compared to that of a man wading through low surf.

The legendary yet factual Curtis Wilkie has been the right man in the right place at an uncanny number of extraordinary times.

The first time I walked into a library, I got so excited I almost wet my pants.

I prefer my oysters fried; that way I know my oysters died.

The last time somebody said, 'I find I can write much better with a word processor', I replied, 'They used to say the same thing about drugs'.

Don't be led astray into the paths of virtue.

Be an example of commitment to others, and encourage them to be committed as well.

I think children in general have a very hard time - at least I did - expressing any pain because I didn't want to hurt the people that I loved.

I believe that Lady Gaga is like a carnival ride. From a distance she looks fun, but up close, you don't wanna climb on that.

I'm by nature kind of a glum person, but I'm not a sad pathetic

I am, as they say, the classic starving artist.

Someday I hope to write a book where the royalties will pay for the copies I give away.

Life gives you an endless supply of do-overs.

I'd describe myself as a sexual libertarian - but I'm not a libertine. "To each his own" is my motto.

I picture several reviewers of my own books as passing a long future lodged between Brutus and Judas in the jaws of Satan.