I live about four muggings from Central Park.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

We began as restless and radical. Remember the spirit of 1997, but by the end of our time in office we had lost our way.

You don't want to vilify your ego.

The problem [of climat changing] is only getting worse - that to me underscores that we need a transformative solution.

Whether he be an original or a plagiarist, man is the novelist of himself.

We all live in fear of getting blocked no matter what kind of art we're trying to do. It happens all the time, but I prefer to think of it as a bad day.

There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick.

I never make a film with a message in mind. I'm more interested in the characters; how they are related to each other and the situation they're in.

Mortars and artillery don't discriminate against gender.

We are all human; therefore, nothing human can be alien to us.

The fears you run from run to you.