I live in California, the worst place in the world for fat people. There are three of us. They have us on eight-hour shifts, so it works out.

We all think we're going to get out of debt.

It's so much easier to be cynical.

I'm washing lettuce. Soon, I'll be on fries. In a few years, I'll make assistant manager, and that's when the big bucks start rolling in.

My inspiration is coming more and more from the way I feel and the gratitude I feel. The older you get the more humility you have.

My first words were 'Seconds, please.' Most kids in kindergarten napped on a little rug. I had a braided 9 x 12.

Minnesotans really think they run the whole world, I love that.

I've been in Vegas. That's where you get into the money thing. Boy, you get greedy in Vegas, you know. That's the only place that you can bet $25, get it up to $500 and refuse to quit.

I was with a famous comedian when a young fan walked up and asked for an autograph. The comedian blew him off. I'll never forget the look on the young boy's face. He was devastated.

I'm a 7 o'clock act. My people want to go to a show, a dinner and then go home and go to bed.

I started a big part of my career in Vegas.

One age ends, and another begins. It is the way of things. But, it doesn't happen all at once.

Have clean hands in whatever you do. Integrity is doing the right thing when people are watching you and still making it right when they keep their eyes off.

What is forgotten, however, is that many times the Good we create leads to Evil that will destroy us.

The best investment is in your attitude.

Imitations produce pain or pleasure, not because they are mistaken for realities, but because they bring realities to mind.

Art is a matter strictly of experience, not of principles and what counts first and last in art is quality, all other things are secondary.

If anyone thinks my show was 'pretty good,' then I've completely failed.

The average Tea Partier is sincerely against government spending - with the exception of the money spent on them.

Prayer enters the pool of God's love and widens outward.

I have to go over my carefully prepared ad-libs.