I lived in a studio apartment until my mid-30s. I don't have an extravagant lifestyle.

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.

Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.

Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down.

Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'

I enjoyed retirement the right way linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.

The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk.

John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle.

The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.

New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut.

President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up.

If you want to know the place, Go see the local book store.

Negative thoughts crashed the spirit, weaken the soul and make the body sick.

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult.

It's good that I managed to hoodwink so many people. I am actually not that nice a person.

I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am

For the most part, people don't know who I am.

The present author confesses that, to him, geometry is nothing at all, if not a branch of art ... A Treatise on Algebraic Plane Curves

somtimes people say that you can not live your dreams. sometimes people say that you can not sell out madison square garden. well this is what i tell them-NEVER SAY NEVER

A man is first reverent about himself, and self-respect is the first stage in reverence for all things.

If you want that good feeling that comes from doing things for other folks then you have to pay for it in abuse and misunderstanding.