I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons." - Greg Heffley.

... no matter how nice you are to some people, they'll turn their back on you the second they get the chance.

Because it's our choices that makes us who we are.

I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be a better place.

You can't expect everyone to have the same dedication as you.

I'm probably something like 95% chicken nugget

See, when you're a little kid, nobody ever warns you that you've got an expiration date. One day you're hot stuff and the next day you're a dirt sandwich.

So I've started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don't need Santa seeing me in my underwear.

I labored for eight years thinking that I was writing a book for adults that was a nostalgic look back on childhood. Then my publisher informed me I'd written a children's book.

I'm having a seriously hard time getting used to the fact that summer is over and I have to get out of bed every morning to go to school.

Well, the problem is, it's not easy for me to think of ways to improve myself, because I'm pretty much one of the best people I know.

Your feelings and emotions are your strongest indicator if your life is moving in a purposeful direction or not, so listen closely to how you feel

I keep telling myself that, and most of the time I believe it.

The little Road says Go The little House says Stay And oh it's bonny here at home But I must go away.

You don't get happy by sitting around going on, 'Oh this is a horrible situation, what to do?' You've got to find the courage to change that. I think change is extremely hard for people.

There are only two things I can't give up; one is coffee and the other is tobacco.

In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don't want to know something, you go and ask him and he won't tell you.

The more honest you are, the more quieted you are within.

I was never one to stand on a soap box and say, "This is how you need to live your life!" It was never about that.

Liturgy is like a strong tree whose beauty is derived from the continuous renewal of its leaves, but whose strength comes from the old trunk, with solid roots in the ground.

You should be willing to bang your head against a wall until you find the solution.