I'll do anything for my wife, it's turning out.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?

Let even an affectionate Goliath get himself tied to a small tender thing, dreading to hurt it by pulling, and dreading still more to snap the cord, and which of the two, pray, will be master?

Compulsive behavior occurs when the urge to act out is greater than our will to say no. Recovery then, is the process of reversing that equation.

If we want users to like our software we should design it to behave like a likeable person: respectful, generous and helpful.

I'm yours, if you'll have me.

Reality is a fragile thing.

We will not waver, we will not tire, we will not falter, and we will not fail. Peace and freedom will prevail.

If more politicians knew poetry, and more poets knew politics, I am convinced the world would be a little better place in which to live.

I'm not a trained dancer in the slightest.

Everything we do is motivated by love. Even fear and hate are born of love. So be careful what you love.