I'll make fun of anybody. We're all about falling down and going boom on camera.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Truth is its own defense, therefore if something can’t speak for itself, it’s not truth.

I will say it here on louder, all people to can hear it. I "DeYtH Banger" - I have masturbating problem ): .

None who have always been free can understand the terrible fascinating power of the hope of freedom to those who are not free.

God would behold in you a simplicity which will contain so much the more of His wisdom as it contains less of your own.

At night, time becomes a calm sea. It goes on for ever.

We Democrats believe in an America where no matter who you are or where you come from, you should have an equal shot at success.

The greatest part cannot know, and therefore they must believe.

The genuine Amphitryon is the Amphitryon with whom we dine.

Being in love was like China: you knew it was there, and no doubt it was very interesting, and some people went there, but I never would.

Thanks to men Of noble minds, is honorable meed.