I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

Sometimes I live in the universe. Sometimes the universe lives in me.

all children are required to attend School, which is like a party to which everyone forgot to bring punch, or hats, or fiddles, and none of the games have good prizes.

The history of almost every civilization furnishes examples of geographical expansion coinciding with deterioration in quality.

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.

A leader has to appear consistent. That doesn't mean he has to be consistent.

If you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass, you might be a redneck.

When we view elevated ideas of Nature, the result of that view is admiration, which is always the cause of pleasure.

The X server has to be the biggest program I've ever seen that doesn't do anything for you.

I don't really see the point in washing your hair. If you don't care if your hair's clean or not then why would you wash it?

If anyone could look into my head See or feel the dread that has captured Me or see within this sad, unhappy brain They would only turn away Turn away.