I'll quit coffee. It won't be easy drinking my Bailey's straight, but I'll get used to it. It'll still be the best part of waking up.

I like to take chances, and that's the key to comedy -- dancing like an idiot but doing it with wild abandon.

I'd just like to retire quietly with dignity, secure in the knowledge that no more comedies will ever be made now that I'm gone.

That's what I like to do: bring out the best in people.

That's the key to comedy: allowing yourself to look stupid

I've been going to the same grocery store for 13 years, and all of a sudden one day everybody was like, 'Oh, my God.

Nobody's ever kept their sitcom character going after the show's off the air.

Many of the people I've worked with over the years came from a sketch-comedy background or an improv background, and I've learned a lot from them.

When the last female dies, the gateway to the earth closes to man.

I think my strength is always been in being very natural. I think Shakespeare and things like that would be more a stretch for me.

Touring is a young man's game, but after 30 years of it, I want to stay home.

There is no easy way to train an apprentice. My two tools are example and nagging.

I tell everyone that I have 25,000 assistant coaches. If I want to know something, I just go to the grocery store.'

If you're a guy over 30 by yourself in the hotel pool, you automatically look like a murderer who's just relaxing after he strangled a family. "Yeah-that dad was a tough one to kill."

I think we're all mysteries to ourselves.

Nice things are nicer than nasty ones.

Every time the rider forgets to regulate the cadence, the horse begins to take control.

The world's flattery and hypocrisy is a sweet morsel: eat less of it, for it is full of fire. Its fire is hidden while its taste is manifest, but its smoke becomes visible in the end.