I'll smoke anything. I won't spend a lot of money on cigars, because I consider that too self indulgent. $3, max, except for special occasions. And yes, I do know the difference.

I believe that the fragile-flower, idea-intolerant society of victimhood that is being cultivated in many colleges today is really bad.

Mostly, you become a writer not because you want to get rich or famous, but because you have to write; because there is something inside that must come out.

The verb "Garland" should be created. It would mean to unfairly put a stinking albatross around someone's neck, to make him unemployable.

The horrifying thing is that nearly half of America seems in synch with xenophobia and race-baiting.

Editorials are editorials. They a supposed to have an opinion, even a very strong one.

The one thing an aspiring writer must understand is that it's hard. If you think it's not hard, you're not doing it right.

I once found myself driving, smoking a cigar, taking notes, and talking on the phone at the same time. I only became completely aware of this when I had to shift, and realized something had to give.

One thing I am learning from the kitten is that everything he is doing seems to be in preparation for murder.

I think Marco Rubio could never have recovered from revealing himself to be pathetic.

Every single fat comic uses his weight as a punchline. There is something sad about that.

Being 'Tech Savvy' allows me to tie my own shoe laces, ride a tricycle, draw stick figures, play hop scotch and much, much more.Otherwise I'd be a 'Techno Illiterate'.

A man should never neglect his family for business.

President Obama has admitted that Medicare is on an unsustainable course and that no amount of tax increases can fix it.

By dwelling on negativity, we prevent ourselves from living in the simple state of well-being.

I didn't realize, when I decided to be a comic, that a black person had never been allowed to stand flat-footed in America and talk to white folks. It never happened before.

The developing science departs at the same time more and more from its original scope and purpose and threatens to sacrifice its earlier unity and split into diverse branches.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

An ant on the move does more than a dozing ox.

I'm a random guy. I shake a hand and make a friend. I don't do egotistical things.

Vanity as an impulse has without doubt been of far more benefit to civilization than modesty has ever been.