I'll start drinking tea over coffee when the big hand is on Never and the little hand is on Ain't Gonna Happen.

We always ask where the time went. We never ask where it's coming from.

I’ll feel that horrible feeling in my stomach you get when you’ve gone over to the Dark Side. But I’ll be fine. That’s the good thing about the Dark Side. Eventually, your eyes adjust.

Genius flames and dies, but amiable competence can live forever.

The newspaper is a lecture. The Web is a conversation.

I don't believe in the very concept of "first thing in the morning." I'm a "third thing in the afternoon" fellow.

Calculus destroys self-esteem on contact.

If Mother had to be told not to shove the entire brick of Ivory up Junior's hindquarters, constipation is the least of his problems.

There are three stages to a man's life. 1. He laughs at Clark Griswold. 2. He sympathizes deeply with Clark Griswold. 3. He laughs at Clark Griswold.

All you need to know about Arafat was that he insisted on wearing a pistol when he addressed the UN General Assembly. And all you need to know about the UN, I suppose, is that they let him.

I want to believe in intelligent design, and hence I am suspicious of anything that seems to confirm my desire to believe.

There is no peace for great men

I am a complicated person with a simple life and I am the reason for everything that ever happened to me.

It's a pity. I don't know who he is to you... But you are disgusting. To claim you fight for his honor, when all you do is bring shame to his name.

To treat an imperfect brother (or sister) impatiently is to advertise our own imperfections.

But I can't really say there is too much modern music that I'm blown away by at this moment

There's never been a rule of human behavior that hasn't been broken by someone, somewhere, sometime, in some circumstance mundane or spectacular. To be human is to transcend the rules.

For some to love you, some must loathe you.

You can't be a sort of pioneer.

We could tell Americans everything is okay and nothing is going to happen. The fact is, there is a very real threat.

This is such a cliche, but I feel like filmmaking is a collaborative experience.