I'll tell you one thing, since I'm married, single people look absolutely ridiculous to me.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

We have the right to make our own bad decisions and live with the consequences.

A woman without a degree of decency and delicacy is unsexed.

You don't need a special task. Every task is special.

I will be a man among men; and no longer a dreamer among shadows.

A sympathetic look always makes me feel sorry for myself.

We will not "forget" so as to be able to rejoice; we will rejoice and therefore let those memories (of wrongs suffered) slip out of our minds!

There's a fearful term that's in fashion at the moment - closure. People apparently believe it is desirable and attainable.

I admire those who trust and are trustworthy.

Close your eyes, fall in Love, stay there.

In most cases there are obstacle standing between you and those opportunities in life but, I just want you to know that front row seat is available everywhere.