I'll tell you what makes my blood boil?... Crematoriums.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

Hello, I'm Shellie's new boyfriend and I'm out of my mind. If you so much as talk to her or even think her name, I'll cut you in ways that'll make you useless to a woman.

Be who you are. Find your own voice. Lead from the heart

I considered that the homes that people live in exactly describe their lives.

Nothing really immoral is ever permanently popular.

Next to praying there is nothing so important in practical religion as Bible-reading.

The community isn't nearly as afraid as it thinks it is.

History is our guide, and without a knowledge of history, we are lost!

I'm a wet liberal really, and always have been. But I'm sort of an aggressive wet liberal.

Smile, the worst is yet to come.

Does being a feminist mean that I believe that I'm as good as any man? Yes.