I lost 150 lbs. if you include my wife.

Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff.

I didn't quit drinking because I was a bad drunk. I quit because I was a spectacular drunk. It got to be like a video game, where you get to the highest level and it's not even a challenge any more.

The world's No. 1 tennis player spends 90 percent of his time winning, while the world's No. 1 golfer spends 90 percent of his time losing. Golfers are great losers.

I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler.

I don't suffer from a mental illness, I live with it.

I have a healthy disrespect for religion. I really do. When Columbus came to this country in 1492 he brought syphilis, diphtheria, tuberculosis, influenza and Christianity. The diseases were curable.

It's hard to tell who's going to win this week, but it probably won't be a big, fat guy.

The course is so long, I had to take the curvature of the Earth into consideration.

Worst haircut I've ever seen in my life. And I've had a few bad ones. It looks like he (John Daly) has a divot over each ear.

If god wanted people to believe in him, why'd he invent logic then?

The nature of the ego is to misuse whatever authority one has.

He was part of us and when he died, all the actions stopped dead and there was no one to do them just the way he did.

Most of the luxuries and many of the so-called comforts of life are not only not indispensable, but positive hindrances to the elevation of mankind.

Love - at least the pair-bonded, prescribed love - does not conquer all.

Why does life feel, to us as we experience it, so desperately urgent and so utterly pointless at the same time?

A library is where you meet fascinating characters you never forget.

Let me tell you something. I ain't scared of nothing. I came out my mama.

The Mayor of Boston says he won't allow Chick-Fil-A in Boston. Amazing that a mayor now has the power to stop commerce because he personally disagrees with the PERSONAL views of the CEO of a company.

I have some girls who I look back on and I think, 'Wow, they were really horrible to me.' I would love an apology from a few girls, but whatever. I'm not holding any grudges. I'm over it.

When we pick up one end of the stick, we pick up the other.